Posted on January 24, 2012 - Filed Under Rev. Jim
Each time Sequethia McQueen remembers the blowup she had with her bosses, she gets “hot under the collar”. She still remembers her rage boiling to the surface when she told Rich Yablonski where he could shove his “guesses”. She also remembers fearing for her job the moment those words (and others) flew out of her mouth. Even though this situation caused her to review A Course In Miracles, lesson 12 “I am upset because I see a meaningless world” she couldn’t quite wrap her mind around this concept just yet. She had done the previous exercises, where she looked around and said, “this chair means nothing, this desk means nothing”, etc.). However, in her gut, this concept still seemed foreign and uncomfortable, even though she understood it intellectually. As a result, she couldn’t quite shake the feelings of rage she still carried about the blowup, and she couldn’t quite escape the feelings of fear and hopelessness that this situation created for he each time she thought about it because she believed it would cause her to forgo any raise (at best) and cause her to be laid off (at worst). The feeling of dread that this created within Sequethia seemed like a low grade fever.
Sequethia knows what to do when she gets a physical fever….. she takes a Tylenol. However, Sequethia didn’t know what to do when she got this emotional fever triggered by an emotionally trying event. She thought about this a bit more, and realized that there was some wisdom in A Course In Miracles lesson 13. She realized that her “false-ego” (the part of her that identified with her gender, her race, her experiences of discrimination, and her own view of how the world would treat her) was attaching meaning to the experience of her “blowup”. She realized that A Course In Miracles was trying to tell her that this blowup was “meaningless” and her ego couldn’t believe this because the altercation still resonated with her emotionally.
She then saw that her “false-ego” had an “investment” in seeing the world as a fearful, hostile, sad, wicked crazy world. The truth of A Course In Miracles was trying to convince her that this wasn’t true, that it was “all in her head” and this conflict was more than she could deal with. It was as if her ego was at war with the truth of God espoused in the Course. This conflict caused her to stay away from the Course for the past month.
IN that moment, Sequethia had an “A-HA” moment. She realized that there was a battle for her mind. Her ego’s perceptions, were at war with a new way to see the world that could bring her more peace. Even if the world around her didn’t change, she could choose to think and feel differently and could have peace, no matter what. This made her understand what A Course In Miracles meant when it said “A meaningless world engenders fear because I think I am in competition with God.” It meant that she could see things through the eyes of her ego, and this perspective was now feeling “threatened” by the truth.